Author Archives: carolyn

Two years.

Man. I could really use you right about now.

Posted in anything goes | Leave a comment

But only someone who gives me this look

could give me this card (without making me barf) and somehow manage to make my heart completely melt. Oh yeah, and it’s ‘the papa’ -cause um, yeah, Nate referred to me as ‘the mama’ when talking to the dogs. And then eventually … Continue reading

Posted in notes | Leave a comment


It’s been quite a while since I’ve posted anything. I’ve tried, but I just.. sometimes it makes me too sick to my stomach.. to even try to wrap my head around the fact that.. I’m posting Nate’s poetry, only because … Continue reading

Posted in poetry | Leave a comment

First kiss

Oh man, remembering the dates of first kisses or any relationship anniversary for that matter has never really been my strong suit. I don’t know why, I guess I just never think to commit that kind of stuff to some … Continue reading

Posted in anything goes | Leave a comment


And sometimes I kill but it’s not my will So I run and hide in the smallest of pills And I want to fuck your children with my taxes So when I let go it’s Kharma that retracts it And … Continue reading

Posted in anything goes | Leave a comment

Gettin on the google

At Nate’s funeral, the Rabbi was speaking about character, and shared a nice post that Nate made to my Grandma’s memorial site after she died. I remember thinking “Wtf? Where’d he get that?” So afterwards, I asked him about it … Continue reading

Posted in googling nate | Leave a comment

Love (hate) poem #1

Back in late 2001, a few months after his heroin overdose, Nate and I took kind of a relationship break while he went to detox/live in a tipi in southern KY. Partially to do some soul searching and partially for … Continue reading

Posted in poetry | 1 Comment

one year

I don’t even know what that means anymore. I really don’t. For me, time completely stopped at about 6:30pm last Feb 1. Honestly, I can still blink and not be sure if a half second or whole day just passed. … Continue reading

Posted in poetry | 2 Comments

love poem three

Creamy skin landscaped over rolling hills Candles laugh out shadows tickling through the trees Candles becoming distant campfires Refocusing toward thrills I walk my fingers lightly, unfocused to her knees Feet with miles under them, floating above my lips Forgetting what … Continue reading

Posted in poetry | Leave a comment

Comforting the distressed and discomforting the comfortable.

So today would have been Nate’s graduation from UC (bachelor of science in addiction studies). He wanted to work specifically in crisis counseling, helping addicts in an inpatient environment. The CCAT house (Center for Chemical Addictions Treatment) is especially close … Continue reading

Posted in anything goes | 2 Comments